The Fuck It Amendment Part II
as if peer pressure would make it any easier than it already is. :)
It fascinates me how something so intense, can be over so finally. I’m not moving to El Paso. Classic case of cold feet. Now I’m high and dry having been left with;
“We’re just too different. I need someone who understands me.”
Don’t we all? No, seriously. Don’t we all need someone to understand us? To learn us. There aren’t people in the world who just understand you implicitly. I honestly think that relationships take work. You gotta work at understanding. You gotta work at communication. If one isn’t willing to work, then there really is no point. I understand, but I definitely don’t at the same time. It’s funny. Maybe we are different people. But at least I believe in change, and progress. In happiness. He just believes in death. So, good for him. I tried too, babe.
Anyway, avenues of change are opening for me. Some more attractive than others. I talked to a naval recruiter today and re-discovered my “fuck it”. You know, you go through shit, and sometimes it can make you lethargic, and afraid, and anxious, and depressed, and stuck….but those other times, those other times when it motivates you to just say “FUCK IT.” That can make a world of difference. Yeah so I broke up with my boyfriend, but maybe that’s just the push I needed to enlist.
I’ve always been attracted to it. It’s the type of lifestyle I think would suit me. I held back before, because that’s when he was getting out. It wouldn’t have worked. But now. Shit. I can do anything I want! I don’t have to feel like a loser! Good God that feels awesome.
Long and the short of it, we were together when we needed eachother I think. But we both changed. A lot. Mine from my time at home. And he from his time in Iraq. We almost had a better long distance relationship than we did a regular one. Nothing wrong with that. Ha. I don’t think I’ll ever not love and respect him. But he needs what he needs, and so do I. It’s not eachother anymore.
So, I got plans, bitch. I GOT PLANS.
